It seems like it is everywhere!!!
I can't watch a family program with my kids anymore without the topics of intimacy coming up on the radar. I can no longer say my go to phrase "cover your eyes" when someone is kissing. It just doesn't work anymore. Before you can get it out of your mouth you have two people fornicating all over the television screen!!!
Why?
Well, because this is the condition of the world. Television programs are a lot more lenient with their content then 20 years ago. My kids are 12, 14, and 16 and the topic of sex surrounds them in their day to day life. If I pretend that this is not happening, I would be ignoring the fact that they have questions. They are curious about what it all means. I would be doing them a disservice if I didn't talk to them about, well, you know what:
SEX
If I don't teach them, the world will.
So how do you talk to your children about sex?
You just have to do it
My son is 16. You know that I already had to talk to him about it. I kind of tried to coerce my husband to talk to him about it, but that didn't work. My husband is even more introverted then I am. So, I had to bite the bullet and do it. I'm not going to say that it was successful, I'm just going to a say that I did it. I might have to go back and revisit that conversation with more detail but for right now he knows not to do it.
Don't do it until your married!!!
That's the rule and that is what the deal is. My husband says that I shelter the kids too much. And yes I do. They are very sheltered. I know where they are at all times. I know who they are with. I know where they are going and where they are coming from. With all this knowledge, I also know that I cannot protect them forever. I must equip them with the knowledge that they need to survive as they navigate their own journey through this life.
I have to help my children help themselves, hence the sex talk is absolutely necessary. This is what happened . . .
My daughter asked me if we could watch this show together called 911. I said sure. One of the first scenes was this young man chasing down this pretty girl, only to end up having sex with her in the car. I went to my first call to action "Cover your eyes" Of course, all the moans and groans were still permeating the air space. Darn surround sound!! Oh, their innocent ears!
It was a good show but it was hard to ignore all the SEX when one of the highlighted characters was a self proclaimed sex addict!
First of all, I was so embarrassed. Second of all, I was so ashamed that I had let my kids watch this program. But then the Lord showed me, that if I had not been watching it with them, they would have watched it by themselves, with questions and wandering minds . . . not knowing how to interpret the information.
They are exposed to it. My 12 and 14 year old daughters are exposed to this all of the time. They think it is a normal thing for people to do. I had to explain to them that this is not normal. It is not right for two "consenting adults" to have sexual relations just because they feel a connection to each other. NOPE!! They don't even know what they are consenting to . . .
Let me back up to a time where Friday night family entertainment was TGIF and we spent 2 hours watching situational comedies: the Tanner girls getting in and out of trouble, family hugs, and Steve Urkel obsessing over Laura Winslow. Oh how times have changed!
The enemy is sneaky like that, so, we have to be smarter. Playing it smart doesn't mean keeping your kids sheltered from the condition of this world. Instead it means educating them on the attacks of the enemy. We must let them know that casual sex is not the way of the Lord.
You want to know what my daughter said to me about having sex before marriage: "You and daddy weren't married when you had Malachi."
She is all so right by saying so (Children know how to count and are always looking at what we do). So, I suggest not trying to hide the truth from your kids. Be open and honest (with discretion) about your experiences and what you have learned from those experiences.
I explained to her that "Daddy had asked me to marry him and that we knew we were going to be married, but you are right, that doesn't make it okay."
I told her that it was hard for us in the beginning because we did things the wrong way. I told them that I don't want them to make the same mistakes that we made. I want them to be prepared. I want them to see the traps of the enemy before they come.
I tried to explain to them that TV and movies are trying to condition their minds to think that it is okay to do things the world's way. But it is not. We must read the bible and find out the Lord's way of doing things. Then you will be blessed, and your family will be blessed. The bible says when a man finds a wife he findeth a good thing. The husband is supposed to love the wife and the wife is supposed to respect the husband. This is good and this is in line with the word of God. When men and women go outside this covenant then they have no respect or love for each other, them selves, or of God. Why? It is because of their immaturity that they are not taking each other's emotions seriously!! It is selfish and self-serving. It is a recipe for emotional disaster!
We must teach our girls how to respect themselves. And we must teach our boys how to love themselves. This is the emotion that they lack and must learn in order to provide it for their future mate. We must teach them that they cannot gain it by having sex with someone who is void of the very thing they need.
But before you go off on a tangent, like I did,
Find out what they know already!!
Somethings that you must find out before you start the sex talk:#1 What do they know
#2 What do they want to know
#3 What did they learn or understand about it
You must find out their understanding of what sex is . . . remember, if it wasn't really explained to them, they assume things.
So my one daughter answered: "Sex is sexual relations."
I asked her what does that mean? She said "I don't know"
I asked her what she learned in sex education (this is my 14 year old) She said "I don't know, boys have boy parts and girls have girl parts and the female carries the egg to make a baby,"
That was the extent of her answer.
So then I asked my 12 year old and she said "well a boy and a girl will hug and kiss under the covers, sometimes with their clothes off and have sex."
So I said "Okay" and had to ask once again, "Does anyone know what they are doing under the covers that makes it sex?" They had no clue . . . so then I had to clarify somethings about boy parts and girl parts.
I took it back to Genesis. I told the girls that God made the man with man parts and that he made woman from man and made her with woman parts. This was because God wanted Man to have company. He also wanted man and woman to procreate and populate the earth. So God gave Man a seed and he gave Woman an egg that she holds inside of her. When the man's penis goes inside of a women's vagina, this is the way that the man's seed can find it's way to the woman's egg to fertilize it and make a baby. Although it may be a fun thing to do, it is only meant to happen between a man and his wife because they have made a commitment to raise those children together, healthy and emotionally strong.
It is a pleasurable thing and a gift that God has given us, but that doesn't mean that we should do it just because we feel like it. We must be responsible. God's purpose for sex was to populate the earth in a healthy way. Having sex when you are not married or when you are not ready leads to things not being healthy or productive . . .
In conclusion:
Don't do it until you are married!!!
in addition:
You are not allowed to date until you are married
The END
To all parents: be brave and be courageous, it is a command from God. It is our duty and our purpose to raise these kids and teach them right from wrong. We have to teach them before the world teaches them. Teach them the principles of the Bible and trust God for direction.
Until next Time
-Tamorra
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