A lot of things going on in the world right now. There are a lot of opinions in Black America about what should be done about our justice system. Another unnecessary death of an African American male by a police officer has caused major disruption in this country. I don't think rioting is the answer. We have to be wiser, more strategic; we have to learn this game to change this game. I have many feelings surrounding the death of George Floyd, who's death was just confirmed to be a homicide. The autopsy pronounced it as:
"asphyxiation from sustained pressure"
when his neck and back were compressed by Minneapolis police officer causing his suffocation.
It seems like this is what has been happening in our community since we have been transported to this country. We are slowly being suffocated by the pressure of societal norms. We think we are living but we don't see that our lifestyles are killing us. Why does America not function as the land of the free for a people who helped build it? Why do we still have a slavery mindset in the land of the free?
I write to figure it out:
I’m cold here
Not loved by the loving stripes and tattered souls that claim the claim of victory old
I crave the love that freedom molds but lie awake from the lies it’s told
I in fear, I run, I hide, fighting with the fear inside
I rise, I fall, pushed down to get dead, it is so hard to lift my head
Crying voices, expectancy choices, yell out, stay down, stay down
Then crack crack boom, and the scream it shakes, visions terrorize me, my soul it breaks
No one can see how my body aches, the scars are hidden inside of me
I’m down, I’m down, how far should I go? I’m already broken, I’m already sold
I’m so cold here, for my former shelter, no replica, I lost my home long ago, now I live America
I’m cold here
I try to live the best I can, making a living to live again
I’m the self that tells self you can, keep going, keep striving you’ll make it my friend
But something has happened and something has changed,
The peace that I felt has become rearranged,
I saw him, I let him, I left him alone, not sharing the fight that he goes through alone
I cry for my sons with a deep pitiful moan, a weeping concern, a crunching soul groan
No one can see how blindly I roam, searching, not finding the comforts of home
I’m trapped in a hope that was lost in delusion, a toil of youth, a seed of confusion.
I used to live in a world full of hope, humming freedom of fa la la,
but now I cry out, oh how do I live,oh how do I live America
I’m so cold here
My heart filled with unsettled doubt of why I am here and what’s it about
My wilderness is common and comfortable and calm
I sit in complacency and a lackadaisical fortitude,
I flow with the sea, no cares and no attitude
No healing for myself, and nowhere to go
No shelter, no home and always so cold
This lands dark hold, hides my inheritance my soul does crave
But to this country of Liberty, I’m shackled to fear, and oh yes I do behave
History lost, and stolen and buried, I don’t know who I am, I don’t know who I was
And this is the dream you want me to live, when I live America’s
I'm cold here
I'm dying
I can't breathe
America
