I'm just reflecting on some things as I sign an agreement to short sale my property . . .
How disquieting is it to fully come to the realization that you have been putting all your time, all your energy, and all your resources into the wrong thing. Then that thing that you have worked so hard on is lost or taken away.
Not only do you feel the anxiety of failure, but you wonder where else have I gone wrong in life?
I thought that I was so grown up and independent when I bought my first house. It was a cute two bedroom townhome. I didn't really include my husband in the whole process. I told my self "My money, My good credit, My decision, My house!"
This is a picture collage of the first home that I bought "by myself." This is a picture of the new kitchen we put in, new sink, new cabinets, new dishwasher. I even tore out the old bathtub "by myself," and redid the whole thing with a new toilet, new bath, new vanity. My husband put down a new laminate floor, and we invested in brand new windows and a new entry door. Not to mention the new water heater, washer and dryer, new carpets, and the countless hours of painting and repainting walls.
This property was a huge investment that didn't pay off. We eventually out grew the house (remember: My house, My idea, now my debt). We tried to rent it out, that worked for awhile but now I have to short sale the property because I just can't afford it anymore. I can't afford the pressure of having to manage another property by myself. I made a lot of bad decisions and put a lot of work into something that, in the end, wasn't for me. Now I am losing the house to someone else.
My first mistake was I thought I knew what I was doing.
I was making many plans for myself that were not lined up with God's plans for me. I had the wrong kind of attitude thinking that I was meant to do everything by myself. I only listened to commentary that agreed with what I already had set in my mind to do. I was under a strong delusion that I had to do everything by myself. This was wrong thinking on my part.
Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
Proverbs. 19:21 NIV
Lesson to learn
I didn't have to do everything by myself and I didn't have to make the mistakes that I made if I consulted with God first. I was determined to do things on my own. I was determined to proof something to people. I was trying to be the lead in a household that I wasn't given authority to lead. I was trying to make decisions that I had no business making on my own. I got stressed out from the burden of the debt that had mounted up. And because I did it "by myself" I felt responsible for the mistake . . .
I lost a lot of time and money trying to do it on my own. And I felt horrible. I feel horrible. Here goes another chapter in my life where I have failed again! I really want to just give up on the whole thing.
But the Lord has another way to get through these things.
He says
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
I Peter 5:7
God doesn't want us to get stressed out by our mistakes. He just needs us to see where we were wrong, admit that we were wrong, then allow him to correct it.
I give everything to God. I will learn from my past mistakes. I know God's purpose will always prevail.
God has now blessed us with a four bedroom house. We have a big yard, and live in a friendly neighborhood. I am now consulting with God so that he can tell me his plan for this house.
Start communicating with God today and don't waste your time investing in the wrong thing.
God Bless you always
Until Next Time
-Tamorra
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